The value of life

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Driving back from Shoreham today in the torrential rain – I found myself being forced to ask the question what is the value of life?

The question itself can be personal; subjective; indicative; emotive and legal to cover but a few arenas.  For example ask a person who has lost a loved one compared to a person who hasn’t.  Ask a person who has had their quality of life reduced through no malfeasance on their behalf as opposed to one who has not.  Ask a lawyer versus a criminal.  In all these environments the question and the answer is surely going to be different and often surprising and sometimes not.  How do you put a price on something that is invaluable and is only there by chance and luck but allows us all to think, process information and react to a variety of stimuli both visually; verbally and physically.

What triggered this thought and fear has been two-fold.  Driving down to Shoreham there was an horrendous accident but as far as I could see all parties were well and there was no impending traffic.  However it still did not prevent a shudder as I perceived a white mini van on the side of the road shunted backwards up the grass verge as a result of this three-way collision.  The very image sent shudders down my spine, catapulting back 6 years when on a pleasant sunday morning I received a telephone call from my mum to stay my father was in an induced coma after an RTA and his chances of survival were around10%.  Thankfully  my father survived and is still alive today but his quality of life has diminished dramatically and he is now showing the full 65 years of age that he is.  He has lost some of his joviality and easiness and love of life, although to be fair this has probably also been exacerbated by the loss of my mother three years ago in December.  Although grateful that my father is still alive and well and with us today the pure frustrations I see in him in his ability or lack thereof to be able to do the tasks that he used to do with ease has altered the value that I put on such a rare commodity.

What further caused an area of concern was driving back and coming up the M23 there was a driver in a Renault Clio, with what appeared initially to be two other passengers, a child (of toddler) age in the rear of the car and an adult in the front passenger seat.  The driver seemed to be in animated conversation with the other adult in the passenger seat and the child was bouncing about and moving freely in the rear of the car.  What made me more fearful of this scenario was that the conversation and I would give the driver some consideration here along with the weather conditions was making the driving a little erratic at times and he was weaving between the lines and his judgment to over take became impaired, jumping into gaps, which were feasible for the driver to accommodate but with little regard to the time. distance and speed of other cars and vehicles around him, causing ourselves to apply our brakes sharply to avoid a collision.  This as I said in itself was bad enough, and to some extent the daily occurrences that you observe whilst driving on motorways.  Having my concern was further raised when we over took the vehicle and in the back of the car with the toddler I noted another adult sat all strapped in.

Hence back to my original question what is the value of a life?  Based on the driving and belief of the people in that Renault Clio the value of their lives is far greater than that of the child they were carrying and to me this is a very disturbing and disconcerting thought.  I wondered if any of the passengers in the car were the parents of the child; or  if they were purely the assigned Guardian.  As a god parent to both my niece and nephew and a step mother to my partners daughter I would be horrified to discover that my children were in that position and that so little regard or value had been placed on their lives.

I then queried to myself would they change the value that they would put on a life if something were to happen and they lost the child as a result of their erratic behaviour – not that I would wish ill on anyone   nor wish any to bury their own child that is something that no parent should ever have to do or experience.  Being the child of a parents who have miscarried children, and whose own grandparents who have had to bury children – then I clearly see the repercussions of these emotions and the scars they can leave on a parent/ grandparent.

My question ultimately was swamped by fear and an urge to scream out to them stop, think and clunk click your child in.  This is the most precious thing in that vehicle as they will live on long after you have gone.  They will take your heritage and history on to the next generation.  I feared for their decision but prayed that they would never have to deal with my fear, or if fate decreed that they should then it would not be at their mindless and thoughtlessness of neglect, for something as minor as getting a child seat fitted to their vehicle.



Frustrating week

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Well  what can I say, last Saturday was going so well until I bent over to pick up a glass from smalls bedside table and my back went POP.

Just under 12 months ago I prolapsed three of my lumber discs and in the lower region and it was only come September last year I was getting to some level of mobilty after a caudal epidural to alleviate the pain and act as an anti-inflammatory.  The immediate changes within 6 weeks were amazing just in my movability to have it pop again so soon has been frustrating annoying.  The result has been a very emotional, draining and trying week for my partner I think.  His support and love this week has been amazing- and I am hoping that tomorrow with his birthday I can repay some of his love and genoristy and kindness and honesty he has shown me.

I am still struggling with the lack of mobility again this week and finding it so hard.  I have had to stop all exercises this week and when I think progress is being made I go backwards again.  For example tonight when cooking, I became clumsy in the kitchen dropped a lid jumped back and jarred it again.  So frustrating and annoying.

Have gone back to the left over drugs I had from last year so Tramadol here I come and I will be taking Dicolofenic tonight to help with the inflammation.  In this instance because it seems to be waivering I am hoping it is more muscle than a disc problem.  Both my partner and I are monitoring the situation to see how it progress. I am also increasing my pialte and yoga work out for the back to try and get health back on track but have stepped right back from the more cardiac work-outs and is annoying that my hockey training has now been pushed back again and I have now had to re-consider if I can go back to training and so am looking back into training to be a hockey trainer and umpire instead so I can still enjoy the game even if I cant play.

I have however continued with the job applications and managed to enjoy getting to a recruitment meeting and an interview this week.  Am waiting to see if I was successful but am fearful if I get the job how my back will cope witht eh driving and the travelling – I guess life and time will see

TJMS cafe pt2

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Well according to my blog entry a few days ago, today is supposed to be my baking day, but since I quite successfully forgot to buy flour the other day baking is out so what I thought I would do instead was put on my fish pie with white sauce



Fish- cod, coley, haddock, prawns, scallops, salmon; – your choice- yesterday I used cod, coley and prawns











Place milk into a steamer with some majoram and thyme or fines herbes if you dont have thyme.  Then place your fish in the steamer and steam until just before cooked

Peel your potatoes I used 4 large yesterday and boil until soft for mashing.

In a seperate pan place chopped onions, mushrooms and some chilli and three cloves of crushed and diced garlic  into a pan with melted butter and some soft cheese to soften them together as one in to add flavour to the white sauce.

Once the potatoes are done strain and mash, adding in salt, pepper, herbes etc to bring all flavours together.

Take the fish of the steam and place into an oven proof dish.  Seperate out the fillets of fish and stir in the prawns, then add in the sweetcorn or sultanas to provide some sweetness or both if you want to

Use the milk used for steaming to filter in the flour and whisk until smooth to make your white cream.  Then stir in your mushroom, onions and chili mix.  Add this to your fish mixture and stir in.  Then let the misxture cool so your potato does not sink when you add it to the top.

Put your oven on for 180.  Once colled place your mashed potato ontop of the fish mixture.  Add some grated cheese on top if you want for flavour.

Place in the oven for about 30 minutes until chesse is melted and golden brown, if no cheese then until the potato is nice and crispy and serve hot from the oven, with garlic bread and or side salad

there is something disconcerting


about hearing an eleven year old saying does he have a gravity hammer – yeah it is mine
You are now going to die you are all going to die

Another week is over

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Well it is Friday of another week and it is our time for Small for the weekend which means more Halo and I’ve got the bomb I’ve got the bomb jibes and kills and woah that is so cool

Long day today for my partner and I.  My partner had a frustrating day where he had a really productive interview told they would be in touch to bring him back in for Psychometric testing next week then get home to be told not taken it further aarrggghhh how annoying.  However on the positive he is also now waiting to hear about another possible interview.  Me I had a telephone call from Office Angels re a role I applied for earlier on today and so am looking to hear if I have an interview for the role but we shall see.

Outside of that I have spent most of the day at a wedding fayre.  The  productive thing being that I met with my make-up artist today and got a nice face over for free which is good and feel really positive about looking a million dollars on my day now.  Also may have found our photography but it is more than was hoping to spend but we shall see what happens I guess on the funds front.  Aside from this I have found somewhere to get our centre pieces from which feels really good and we shall see what happens I guess only time wil tell

Aside from this I have had what can only be described as a frustrating week where I have struggled quite badly with my depression and found it quite hard at times to cope.  Although I think being cooped in the flat all the time is not helping things so being out of the house for 4 hours today has done me the world of the good.  Although I do feel very sorry for my partner who has had to put up with sour puss most of this week.

Aside from this things are good – although we do have the electricity bill to pay in a few days, still no notice in relation to our rent and council tax help which is not good from the local authority so I think a call into them next week is now overdue and needed so we can work out how we are going to fund things going forward.

Next week for me is busy – I have a meeting with an agency for registration and then on Wednesday have a meeting for an interview for an ISM role in Sheerwater, which is only a 12 months contract but may go permenant so we shall what happens I guess.

Anyway that is enough for tonight off to check my over flowing in box of messages and stuff

Catch everyone later

Double Entry Day PT2

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The Second half od the double entry is the first of my Recorded baking sessions on a Saturday

The receipe set to be uploaded is for triple Muffins and Rocky road


40z Marg

8oz of Sugar

4oz of SR flour

4 oz of Cocoa Powder

Chocolate bits and Marshmallows

5 eggs

Set the oven to 180 to pre-heat and warm through

Cream together the marg and the sugar until nice and smooth

Crack open the eggs and beat into the mixture until light and fluffy

Stir in the Flour and the cocoa powder until nice and airy and drops off the spoon at a count of three if falls before then stir in some more flour for the nice smooth consistency with lots of air

Then stir in the chocolate bits and marshamllows for the rocky road and bake in the oven for between 30-45 minutes until light and fluffy and the knife comes out nice and dry

Double entry day PT1

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Well lots have happened over the last 24- 36 hours.  The question is where to start really- maybe Sunday is a good day

Sunday was the first day last week I had a chance to stop and catch my breath it was all so busy- which I think I mentione in my blog last week.  So all very quiet and unintruded.  We did some work on the guest list for the wedding or rather my other half did we now need to merge that one with mine so we can invites and a proper budget plan for the event and costings of foods etc for the location so we know where we are working to and therefore work out what is going to be the situation with flowers and photographers. Real nice and chilled as you can tell

Yesterday was somewhat more stressful and aggrevated with the Big D raising its ugly head and feeling low anyway just out of pure frustration of not getting feed back from interviews or not hearing back from things that seemed really positive I was feeling AAAAArgghhhh to say the least.  However my fiances’ parents were kind enough to lend us a little money so that we could go get some grocery shopping in which was great so we treated ourselves to what was going to be a Tesco meal deal for 2 for £10 to discover that there was none left so ended up instead with a Ken Hom Meal C for 2 with duck, which was yummy and cheaper than going to the chinese.  I have to admit yesterday was very much taken over with battling the Big D and questioning whether my doctor is right that I should stay on the AD’s permenantly which I dont want to do and do not like the option of.  I feel that with counselling; and a well nourished diet  – which I usually have- then the Big D although still there would remain very controllable.  I have noticed from my past experiences that things that help is having a job I like, not feeling like a leach of society which is my current motion and feeling like I let down friends; family; lovers and debtors.  Although I know my biggest trigger at the moment is the fact that the Council still have not made a decision in relation to our claim for help with Rent and Council Tax and this is due in 2 weeks and we are now unsure as to how we are going to pay the rent next month.  Being on a more practical level I think calling and speaking with the council on Thursday/ Friday if no respsone has been forthcoming about the resolve to our claim. 

However on the positive side things for the wedding are ticking along quite nicely as noted above and I am off to meet my make up artist and hairdresser for the day on Friday.

Yesterday in itself was a day and a half being valentines, as noted above my partner and I got a Chinese in from Tesco; cracked open a bottle of wine from the wine purchases at Xmas and put on Hot Fuzz since I had never seen it and then followed it up with Gross Point Blank before collapsing into bed and sleeping.  So a very pleasant Valentines’ day all in all despite the battles of the Big D

Today well what can I say, we had booked to go and get a free photo shoot done for Valentines day and for our engagement- thought it would be a little difficult.  All was going exceptional well until I was asked to take off the glasses- not a major issue except without them I am blind.  I then moved to the edge of the photo area, stood up and banged my head of a lightening stand and now have a lovely bump; nasty headache on the right hand side of my head – owww.  However; even so it seems that the powers of emping were well controlled today only drained the battery once in an hour shoot; and had the flash only fail to go off three times- all beneficial.  Good day, inventive and fun shots with more posey ones too.  Take a look at their website, for more information on the top of shots they do , .

Tonight hopefully we will be better will be aiming to cook my first ever ricotta and spinach lasagne tonight so fingers crossed it all goes well.  Look out for my TJMS baking blog which will be going up later

Have a good day- off to do some wiiing on the wii fit plus

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