Over the last few days I have been toying about with some ideas for a new story idea to go into my story folder to pick up with some point or even use for my NANWRIMO month next month.

The idea is simple it is based around a manic-depressive (BI-POLAR) who self harms however when things go to far he finds that instead of dying he leaves behind a skin of himself in the texture of jelly fish with all tissue, bone, muscles and sinew showing up as membranes within the see-view type jelly structure.

I wrote the first few paragraphs down late last night which I may convene onto here at some point but at the moment it still needs work and I have more pressing articles to finish such as my poetry edits, which I keep starting but don’t finish.  I think an element of it, is trying to edit your own work I find somewhat difficult and trying especially when I don’t feel that the work is any good but others are telling my otherwise

I am often told I am too critical or a perfectionist in nature to see the true potential which maybe the case but I am still tending to be cynical as I am unable progress on my writing unless I bite the bullet and move things on but that is what I find so scary.  Is standing on that precipice on your tip toes without a safety harness and not sure if once you jump you will go splat and die or float away happy and content knowing all is well with the world.

I don’t think my anxiety is helped by having an extremely talented husband as a writer and step-daughter to boost which always makes me feel like my writing is sub-standard and although this is not from them it is my own projections I can’t help that I fall short of some imaginary minimum standard needed to be any good.

Whether this comes from never feeling good enough as a child or the fear of failing and not being good enough in general is never a pleasant feeling but I know one thing unless I take the gun and fire it I will never truly know